THE NEED FOR MARITAL COUNSELLING IN NIGERIA. BY:SHUAIB HABEEB

THE NEED FOR MARITAL COUNSELLING IN NIGERIA 

BY:

SHUAIB HABEEB

Marriage as a cultural universal is said to be a sacred and permanent contract which is assumed to be enacted between two individuals in their own accord. It is however quite unfortunate that the rate at which marriage crashes in Nigeria society as a result of marital incompatibility and some other factors are alarming. It has become an often statistics that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce. This require serious attention to be taken in no time so as to evade its menace to the society at large.

Firmly, problems occur in a marriage when the spouses lack emotional intimacy, a perception of closeness to one another which allow sharing of personal feelings alongside expectation of understanding, affirmation and demonstration of caring. This therefore brings about infidelity between the spouses as well as other factors that can contribute immensely to the breakdown of such marriage because If couples can't be intimated with one another, whether physically or emotionally, such relationship is bound to be dilapidated as it is well known that no relationship can survive without intimacy. Thus, intimacy is the foundation of any relationship.

Still and all, marital Counselling as a process of application of techniques which are designed to modify the better maladjustment nature of human relationship of married partners can be used as an effective weapon in tackling the enigma of high rate of marriage crisis in Nigeria. It focuses mainly on preventing marriage from turning into manage or from manage into damage.

Interestingly, it is acquainted with the fact that it could be pre-marital or post-marital which denote before and after marriage respectively. Many people just spring into marriage with little or no idea of how to maintain a good home, they are fond of preparing for wedding instead of marriage. They are clueless of the fact that wedding last only for a day or two, while marriage last forever. It is one thing to get married as recommended and another thing to build a happy home. Marriage is a life contract as well as a prerequisite to family building. To achieve a better home after marriage, couples needs the help of a professional body to have a clear perspective of what marriage  encompasses, the likely issue that may arise afterward and the techniques to adopt in a bid to overcome such puzzling circumstances. That will provide them an avenue to learn the real definition of marriage as a contract which requires huge level of patience and perseverance in order to acquire an everlasting one.

Many homes are faced with personal problems which can only be revealed to nobody other than professionals for the purpose of confidentiality.This issue of personal problems has led to the failure of countless marriages as a result of the fact that there is nobody to confide in and counsel them whenever this problem(s) surface.There are varieties of happenings in marriage which  are capable of making an individual to develop a doubtful thought if truly he/she has made a right decision in choosing a life partner. Human being are not perfect, as such, there shouldn't be any hope of having a perfect marriage as we just have to learn how to manage and overlook our blemishes or imperfections which most spouses found difficult to do. Hence, counsellors can help in making them clueful of  of the fact that every marriage experience perplexing moment and that the beauty of marriage is in realizing that difficult season are for temporary moment.

A common factor that most likely cause issue in a relationship is lack of effective communication. The importance of communication in strengthening a relationship can not be overemphasized, but it really saddens whenever I remember that people are not aware of this. There is a misconception between talking and communicating as both phrases are often used interchangeably wherein their difference is plain. Talking is all about giving information without need for any response while communication on the other hand is verbal and non- verbal exchange of information that requires response. However, when spouses fail to have proper communication, it's likely for them to develop habitual way of ineffective speaking to each other of which can lead to more serious problem if the poor communication skills are not dealt with. This kind of problem can be dealt with, with the help of effective counselling by a professional counselor, by laying emphasis on the importance of communication in a matrimony  as it focuses on the connection of people following the fact that it takes more than a person to communicate. 

Unarguably, what we feel inside shows our outer part, even if we are able to hide these feelings for a while, they are bound to surface. Some people find undesirable habit in their spouse but keep it inside them pretending to like everything about him/her which is totally detestable. Negative feelings such as indignation or disappointment can turn into hurtful, sometimes harmful behaviour. I could recall a couple where the wife was hurt by her husband’s indiscretions. Albeit, she agreed to stay in the relationship and work things out, but she became very malignant. The wife would purposefully do things to make her husband think she was being unfaithful even though she wasn’t. She wanted her husband to feel the same pain she felt, which was counterproductive. A skilled professional counsellor is needed in that regard to help the couple sort out negative feelings and find better ways to express them. Also, when they are stuck, the marital counsellor can help them get moving in the right direction.

Most importantly, the government needs to change her tepid attitude towards counselling sector  by creating functional counselling centres in a conducive environment within the society and employ professionally trained counsellors that would pilot the affairs of the centres, so as to ensure adequate and effective counselling session. The government should as well provide adequate fund so as to organize different kinds of programs like seminars, workshop, purchase of psychological test among other needs inorder to ensure proper advocacy of this weighty profession.

Shuaib Habeeb is a penultimate student of Counsellor Education Department, Faculty of Education, University of Ilorin. He can be reached via:08104277064 or abshuaib100@gmail.com