BY: SHUAIB, Habeeb
To begin, grief is a synoptic word used from the time immemorial to describe an acute pain often accompanied by loss. It could be as a result of loss of loved ones but not limited to that. It can as well follow the loss of job, an important role in life or other possession of significant emotional investment. Grief is very deep in the sense that it is a reflection of what we love and as such feels all encompassing. Everyone grief in a unique way following the fact that it is of different types ranging from anticipatory grief, normal grief, complicated grief among others.
However, the grieving process takes time and its recovery happens gradually; it can be forced or hurried but there is no normal time-table for it. A person dealing with grief usually exhibit different kinds of symptoms either emotional or physical. This includes among others inability to show or experience joy, fatigue, numbness and digestive problem. Meanwhile, many of the symptoms of grief overlap with those of depression. There is sadness, and often the loss of capacity for pleasure and loss of interest in eating or taking care of oneself. But the symptoms of grief do tend to lessen over time, although they may be temporarily reactuated by important anniversaries or at any time by thoughts or reminders of the loss.
Inevitably, every individual is bound to express grief in their lifetime following the fact that it is a natural thing that surface whenever we discover that things refused to go the way it was expected. As an individual, sometimes we get bereaved especially when something or someone so dear and close to us is taken away. If such happens, definitely it would bring about some emergent pain which in one way or the other can be termed grief. Thus, bereavement is a prerequisite to grief and it is unavoidable as it's like a window that will just open in its own accord. Obviously, in our heart,we all know that death is part of a life. Infact,it gives meaning to our existence because it reminds us how precious life is. Having known all this already,why do we still engage in grieving anytime we loose someone very close to us when we already know deep inside us that such thing is bound to happen? This is to intensify the fact that grief is a natural characteristic possessed by man and it comes up conventionally when the need arises without prior notification.
To make it clearer, grief is not limited to loss of people alone, rather it covers every kind of pain or distress that occur as a result of unpleasant situation which an individual found him/herself. Let's take the issue of COVID-19 pandemic that is currently ravaging the world as a case study. It's very noteworthy that this deadly virus has caused a lot of damages to virtually all individuals life and to the society at large.Truly, not everyone contracted this COVID-19 virus but virtually everyone is grieving over it as they are uncertain of what it can lead to (anticipatory grief). Our primitive mind knows something bad is happening but we can't see it. Hence,it breaks our sense of safety as we are feeling that loss of safety which I don't think we have ever lost collectively like this as virtually all people have felt this ,either individualy or in group.
More importantly, one must have it in mind that grief does not have a final point. According to Helen Keller " Grief never ends but it changes" This is to emphasize the fact that grief is a feeling that happens naturally without an expiry date. Meanwhile, it does change shape overtime and at some point,it becomes part of you. One does not stop grieving, rather we learn how to manage and live with it. But there are methods and ways we can go through it in a productive way and in turn make the experience a beneficial and understanding one.
In a bid to manage grief, one has to understand its stages. When we are talking about its stages, we need to be clueful of the fact that the stages are not linear and may not happen in this order. It's not a map but it provide some scaffolding for this obscure world. These stages include denial, anger, bargaining, sadness and acceptance. Let's take COVID-19 as a case study, as it was cited above, in giving example to each of the stages mentioned. Denial goes thus: COVID-19 virus won't affect us. Anger goes thus:you are making me stay at home and not allowing me to carry out my necessary activities. Also there's bargaining: Would everything be okay if I social distanced myself for two week? There's also sadness: I don't know when this will end.Lastly there is acceptance: This is really happening, I have to find out how to proceed.
Unarguably, out of all the stages mentioned, acceptance is where the power lies as we find control in it.
Additionally, grief on the other hand, has its own value as it reminds us of what we care about. It enables us to free up energy that is bound to the lost person,object or experience so as to reinvest that energy elsewhere. Hence, it is inescapable as we just have to shift our focus from negative emotions to positive ones.
Shuaib Habeeb is an undergraduate student of University of Ilorin. He can be reached him via:
abshuaib100@gmail.com or 08104277064
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